Category Archives: This & That

Random musings that may or may not have something to do with anything in particular.

This Old House

Was it the sagging beam on my front porch? Is that what drove you away? Was it my flimsy windows? My unruly yard? What about my fading paint convinced you that I was unworthy of a fresh coat? When did all the trudging about up and down my stairs become too much of an annoyance?…

BREAKING: Local Real Estate Agent Only Attends Tour for the Croissants

The spoils of real estate tours

Scottsdale, AZ – Real Estate agents have long utilized tour groups to expose their listing inventory to the local home selling community. A forum that allows agents to promote new and upcoming property listings to a group of fellow active area Realtors, the Real Estate tour group fosters the kind of behind-the-scenes marketing that many…

Press “0” for Functional Obsolescence

“So let me get this straight,” Samuel Rothwall said, interrupting the twenty-something year old wonderkid with the lime green mohawk. “You’re saying that young people prefer electronic mail for urgent correspondence?” Bonzai, the assistant manager of the Verizon Wireless store, openly gawked at the old coot in front of him that fit somewhere between Steggosaurus…

Final Walkthrough

Do a walkthrough!

A Real Estate Allegory

CALL ME

Leaning back in a black leather swivel chair while he pondered the day ahead, Jimmy Dietz closed his eyes against the rising glare from the room’s only window. For perhaps the millionth time, he cursed his decision to select the only bedroom in the house with eastern exposure for his home office. That had been…

Cover Letter

Dear Francis, I showed your property at 123 E Via Linda yesterday, and my clients absolutely loved the home. As evidence, please find their attached offer. Knowing you are likely to receive additional offers on this listing, allow me to provide a little background on the buyers. Niels and Maureen, or “Nemo,” as I call…

‘Tis the Season to Reanimate A Realtor

Early navigated the room with a panache befitting the guest of honor. The fact that he was but one of the invited many did nothing to discourage the lopsided grin from his freckled face. This was his night. Spying a familiar couple loitering in the vicinity of the punch bowl, Early staggered in their direction….

Real Estate Market Bi-Polar; Follows Suicide Attempt with Raging Kegger

June 20, 2012 Scottsdale, AZ – As anyone who has attempted to buy or sell a home over the past seven years can attest, the Real Estate market has proven unstable at best. New findings released by the Phoenix-based American Behavioral Coalition this morning may explain why. “The Scottsdale Real Estate Market suffers from Schizoaffective…

Seller’s Market

Max Welling sipped from the “Denny’s” emblazoned ceramic mug, gritting his teeth against the watered-down confection masquerading as coffee within, the inviting aroma nothing more than a ruse. A useful diversion as he mentally composed his argument, the swill was nonetheless an affront to his connoisseur’s sensibilities. “Good, huh,” his smug companion inquired, seeking less…

Deep Freeze

“Why is his skin all splotchy?” Chip Donaghue stared at the pathetic, grey man on the gurney. Tubes ran in and out of his crystallized body, connecting him to a bank of beeping machines and monitors. “Sublimation is typical,” the humorless doctor beside him announced. “Sublimation?” “Freezer burn,” the doctor clarified, his high-pitched voice at…

Enjoy this blog? Please spread the word :)