(Washington DC) – In a statement released this morning, the National Association of Realtors® announced a new initiative aimed at curbing abuse in photographic representation amongst its membership in the virtual sphere.
“This initiative has been ten years in the making,” according to NAR spokesman,Trevor Null. “Ever since Realtors entered the online space en masse, we have been fielding complaints from the public about misleading avatars.”
Jane DeVannon of Surprise, AZ filed one such complaint back in 2009.
“We were nervous first time buyers,” Mrs. DeVannon explained. “Having never been through the process, we had no idea what to expect and knew that we needed to hire a Real Estate agent we could trust to guide us through the process. So we did what we always do when we have a critical decision to make. We Googled it.”
With over 87% of today’s home buyers starting their searches online, per NAR statistics, the DeVannons’ story is a common one.
“We settled on a nice looking gentleman, about forty or forty two, with two darling children in his profile picture. Imagine our surprise when an obese seventy five year old with a goiter the size of an Olsen twin showed up to our first appointment. We tried to make the best of it, but we could just never get past the initial lie,” Mrs. DeVannon related.
“We have long had a reputation problem with the general public,” Null admitted. “Grossly misrepresenting our appearances in online marketing has only served to exacerbate the institutional mistrust. I mean, when you think you’re hiring Gary Cooper, and you get Gary Coleman, it’s a problem.”
According to Initiative UB-FUGLY, all Realtors® will be required to update their avatars monthly, without benefit of Photoshop or similar photo editing software that can alter true appearance.
“And none of this downward pointing camera angle bullshit,” Null expanded. “If you have three chins, the consumer needs to see three chins.”
Penalties for failing to comply with the new requirements will be severe, including mandatory use of DMV photos for first time offenders. Proof of ownership for any/all pets and children in a Realtor’s avatar must be furnished prior to Internet use. Nieces and nephews are off limits.
The news comes too late for the DeVannons, but they are hopeful that future buyers will be spared their painful lesson in what the NAR refers to as “photo synthesis.”
“We think he rented the kids,” Mrs. DeVannon added.
– Filed by Paul Slaybaugh, BSRE News © 2011
“What do you mean I can’t back out on the inspection,” James “Jamo” Monahan demanded. “Say the frigging icemaker doesn’t work or something.”
“Like I told you earlier, James, er, I mean Jamo,” Agnes DeMerrit explained to her disingenuous client on the other end of the line. “There is no second bite at the apple once repairs are agreed to by both parties. Besides, your ten days were up two weeks ago.”
“Your loan is approved,” Agnes responded, her short, grey hair losing pigment by the syllable.
“What if I go buy a car to screw up my ratios,” Jamo offered.
“That would be bad faith, James, er, I mean Jamo,” Agnes chastised. “It will cost you your earnest money.”
“Okay, the appraisal,” Jamo suggested. “We can still back out on the appraisal, right?”
“Appraisal came back at purchase price,” Agnes informed him.
“But you said it was ‘highly unlikely’ to appraise at the sales price,” Jamo exploded in her ear. “Now you’re telling me that I’m stuck in a deal at a price I never intended to pay? You listen to me, and you listen to me good. You better find me a way out of this contract or so help me God-“
Agnes pulled the phone away from her ear and took a deep breath. She despised working with investors. Absolutely despised it. Had she not run headlong into the driest spell of a forty year Real Estate career, she would have sent this creep packing so fast his Grecian Formula Plus infused head would have spun inside the raised collar of his pink imitation Polo shirt.
As a rule, she preferred buyers who were actually interested in buying.
Her client’s strident voice sounded small and tinny from a distance. She took a moment to withdraw something from the desk drawer of her home office before putting the phone back to her ear. She absently unwound a snarl in the cord as she spoke.
Jamo’s silence answered for him.
“Good. Now I’m going to tell you exactly how we are going to get you out of this contract with your earnest funds intact so that you can pursue that new short sale in BFE that just hit the market this morning. If you’re ready to put on your big boy pants and listen, that is.”
“Yes, I’m really listening,” Jamo assured her.
“No, James,” Agnes rebuked. “I mean really listening.”
“Look, I’m listening, okay,” Jamo replied with exasperation. “I’m really, really listening. The world has stopped outside of this conversation. I’m on pins and freaking needles. Now pretty please with a cherry on top, just tell me what to do!”
Agnes whispered, barely audible.
“What,” Jamo asked.
She whispered again, slightly louder.
“What,” Jamo asked again, straining to understand.
Agnes waited a beat before giving the air horn poised over the mouthpiece of the phone one long, shrill blast and terminating the call.
“I said you’re fired, Jay-mo.”
UPDATE: THIS HOME HAS SOLD!
What do you get when you cross location with luxury? Timeless architecture with the latest cosmetics?
In the Scottsdale Real Estate world, you get a magnificently renovated McCormick Ranch home.
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In addition to the added bonus room, alterations since 2002 include a relocated front entry and expanded living / dining room, front courtyard with built-in water feature, smooth stucco exterior, dual pane windows, plantation shutters, surround sound, propane gas fireplaces added to living room and master (in addition to existing wood-buring fireplace in family room), stone (natural travertine and slate) and ceramic tile flooring, kitchen remodeled with granite counter tops & newer appliances and opened to family room, walk-in pantry added off breakfast nook, walk-in closet added to master bedroom (in addition to existing closet), master bath remodeled with travertine, pavers, built-in BBQ and fountain added in back yard, newer roof and A/Cs … this is most assuredly not the home that time forgot!
Value priced for the current market at $569,000
Not familiar with McCormick Ranch? You are in for a treat.
Featuring walking paths (Camelback Walk) that extend throughout the community and beyond, an unparalleled lake system, two 18 hole golf courses, restaurants, boutique shops, award winning schools, parks, greenbelts and more, McCormick Ranch is not only the first planned community in the Valley, but the one which all others aspire to be.
Learn more about the Palo Viento subdivision in McCormick Ranch.
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