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Internet Asks Bloggers to “Please Stop”

In a stunning reversal of internal policy, the Internet has asked that bloggers stop adding new content to the collective mainframe.

“It’s gotten out of hand,” Zachary Omega of the Internet confided when reached for comment. “We didn’t think it was possible for there to be too many blogs about the rigors of raising abused beagles in single-parent households, but we were wrong. The first-person, anecdotal nonsense has completely drowned out legitimate commentary.”

To reestablish value to its searchable content, the Internet is asking users to refrain from launching new blogs and social media accounts at this time. The embargo is voluntary for the time being, but Omega foresees a day in the near future when the effort to scale back the banality on the interwebs is not only mandatory, but enforceable by martial law.

“It’s a freaking joke,” Omega confided. “I’m in charge of the coding that separates the wheat from the chaff in online data. Me. Do you have any idea of how much chaff is floating around out there? How am I supposed to send someone to the latest reputable news source when ninety nine out of a hundred entries are posted by some twelve year old kid in Marietta, Georgia who gets picked last in dodgeball?”

Originally designed to connect people from all over the world, the Internet has done exactly that. Unfortunately, the free-flowing exchange of ideas and information has come with a steep cost: quality control.

“I’ve got nothing against cats. I’ve got nothing against kids,” Omega said. “But if I have to read one more missive about Mr. Whiskers’ new flea collar, or the scorching pink-eye outbreak that is plaguing little Joey’s preschool, I’m going to jam an overheated server straight up a soccer mom’s &$$ while I enjoy a refreshing orange wedge.”

Omega did not reserve his ire for familial pulp. In fact, there is one demographic in particular he described as “the bane of the online experience.”

“Realtors … I mean, seriously,” Omega stated. “How many more property listings in Bum Fudge, South Dakota or riveting articles about re-painting the baby’s room prior to selling a home do we really need to read? Five hundred thousand jamokes posting the same ‘Seven Secret Tips to Selling in a Down Market!’ … how novel. Maybe next we can have an authoritative list of instructions for walking and chewing bubble gum.”

Reached for comment, the National Association of Realtors® noted that now is the best time to buy a home in the history of earth.

– Paul Slaybaugh, Disassociative Press © 2011

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Buying a Bank Owned Home in McCormick Ranch? Look up!

Buying a Bank Owned Home in McCormick Ranch? Look up!

Are you shopping in the distressed aisle for your McCormick Ranch home? Make sure to look up.

While the purchase of a bank owned home or a short sale tends to be fraught with a little more risk than a traditional resale transaction, it is important to note that buyers typically maintain inspection rights on distressed properties. While the various “As Is” clauses and addenda dictate that the seller is not responsible for making repairs on these properties, most purchases involving bank properties do allow for an inspection period (though the time frame may be shrunk from the typical 10 days allowed under the boilerplate of the standard Arizona Association of Realtors contract).

*In short, the bank won’t likely fix anything, but you are allowed to verify condition before deciding whether or not to continue with the transaction.

During the course of your inspections, it is always prudent to spend a little extra time on a bank property as there are no disclosures of prior defects. The institution that now owns the property never occupied it, and knows nothing about its history other than the pertinent fact that the previous owner defaulted on his/her deed of trust.

It’s all about the Benjamins to the bank.

The purpose of this lengthy preamble? To add a little context to the freak hail storm that struck large pockets across the Valley last (2010) fall. If you have been watching all of the new roofs going up over the past six months, you know that the McCormick Ranch area was hit hard. With insurance companies passing out full roof replacements like they were candy, it is not uncommon to see streets where virtually every home features a brand new roof. Foam and asphalt shingle roofs, in particular, took wicked beatings.

So while most owner-occupied properties in the area that sustained damage have been repaired or replaced, the bank-owned properties that have been sitting vacant for over a year are likely to leak like a sieve when the monsoons roll around this July. The price points of such properties are often attractive enough to offset the 10-20k many will need, but it can be tough to swallow when it is not an anticipated cost.

Before plunking down money on inspections and appraisals, I’d recommend having a professional walk the roof of that bank owned steal to help you determine the true out of pocket price of ownership.

Oh, and if you are buying a resale property in McCormick Ranch? Make sure to find out if the seller had any repair work performed in the aftermath of said storm. While one of our selling clients was able to obtain full roof replacement on a claim from that storm as recently as this past month, the likelihood of that happening on another property dwindles the further removed we get from the event. The insurance companies aren’t going to be in the roof replacement business much longer.

Happy hunting,

Ray & Paul


Buying or selling a home in the McCormick Ranch area? Give us a call. Online data and pictures can give you 90% of the picture. We’ll fill in the remaining 10%.

*Do not rely on any general statements herein as legal advice. We are not attorneys, nor do our statements pertain to a specific transaction. Rights and restrictions within a transaction vary depending upon the documents used, attendant verbiage, alterations, etc.  Long disclaimer short: I ain’t talking about your deal, homie.

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