Welcome Back, REO Agents!

Greetings REO Agent,

As the foreclosure crisis here in Scottsdale is beginning to show signs of easing, if not exactly abating, your fellow Real Estate professionals are eager to welcome you back to the ranks of humanity.

You’ve been missed!

You’ve done what you needed to do to stay afloat during the difficult times of the past few years, but now that your bank business is slowly petering out, we have a few tips to help ease the transition back to regular old resale transactions. By following the advice herein, you should have little trouble re-assimilating with the general population.

  1. Invest in some Supra lockboxes. We don’t fault you for not wanting to spend $70 a pop for an electronic box when you were carrying 50 listings at a time (okay, we do, but we aren’t ones to carry a grudge), but it’s a small sacrifice for the security of your mom and pop clients and ease of access for your fellow agents now that you are down to two overpriced townhouses.
  2. You have to return phone calls again. As a busy professional, we understand that you can’t always field a call. Just bear in mind before letting everything roll to voicemail purgatory that you will need the sales force now that you can’t rely on grossly underpriced homes to do the job for you.
  3. Burn your addenda. Then piss on it. Every last piece of superfluous documentation that your employing banks made we hard-working stiffs submit in advance of a purchase acceptance.
  4. Regarding feedback on your new resale listings … um, yeah, not going to happen until you update us on the status of every unanswered offer we have collectively submitted on your REO listings over the past five years.
  5. Camera phone listing photos … time to rethink this one. We recommend mixing in a shot or two of the interior while you’re at it. Human sellers appreciate marketing.
  6. Be advised that our sellers will respond to all offers you draft in 3-5 business days. Or thereabouts. Your business is important to us, and we thank you in advance for your patience.
  7. We do NOT advise touting your recent success of underselling the neighborhood, or looking equity sellers directly in the eye on your first forays back into the wild. They will charge.
  8. Planning on working with buyers again? They are those vaguely homo sapienish looking creatures you have been studiously ignoring since 2006. We’d be happy to make introductions. They don’t think you really exist.
  9. Time frames matter again.
  10. Send the legion of fresh-faced assistants back for their diplomas. They still have a chance to make something of their young lives.

And most importantly, remember to have fun. Because we’re going to have a bunch of it at your expense in the coming months.

Sincerely,

The Real Estate Community

PS – We may have taken a few of your former clients while you were gone. Our bad. If you can pick any of yours out of a lineup, we will gladly return them. If not … tough titty for you, fishface.

________________________________________________________________________________

Note: This bit of light-hearted fare is purely satire and not intended to impugn the integrity and/or professionalism of my fellow REALTORS.

Much. 

Please like & share:
  • Funny you should write this- I have often said that when some of these REO cretins have to work with the rest of us again that payback would be a bitch. I had a skeleton in draft but this is far, far better. 

  • Perfect take on the impending situation….wow, there will be a ton of “re-training” that will be needed by those REO agents.  Life has changed.

  • Eric Michael

    It’s gonna be funnnnnn.

  • Jo

    Paul, I so enjoyed this – really,  A LOT!

  • Here it is exasperated by a new law in Nevada.  I like to say karma’s a bitch but I am smiling inside when I think about how they have to scramble to find the income producing goods right now.  I don’t want that one biting me in the keister later on!

  • Elizabeth

    Paul, I think this may be one of my favorite articles that you have written.  I”m living vicariously through you, just laying in wait to have a bit of fun with ALL of the REO agents that have taunted me and my clients over the past few years.  The heavens have parted and the angels are singing. LOL.  

    “And most importantly, remember to have fun. Because we’re going to have a bunch of it at your expense in the coming months.”  LOVE it!  

  • Cindy

    Learning how to cooperate with other agents and abide by the COE is going to a tough adjustment for some.  Can’t wait to see how they fit back into the market.

  • Jared Christiansen

    Thanks to J Philip for introducing me to your blog.  I am instantly a fan.  

  • Lenza Andrew

    I found the last word the most insulting of all! 

  • Amanda Hall

    11.  Addenda are made part of the contract prior to it becoming effective.  After it’s effective, it’s called an amendment to the contract, which requires a meeting of the minds.  Asshat.

    12.  No more closings in old buildings located across town with cramped offices that smell like dead telemarketers.

    13.  Fax what?  No, fax you!  You faxer.

  • Please upload all complaints to our unmonitored website. Thank you, drive through.

  • You read to the end?

  • Thanks for the read, Jared. We specialize in lowbrow ’round here.

  • It will be an interesting reunion to be sure. Guessing I know which members of the extended family show up reeking of bourbon and Vegas.

  • The chickens are comin’ home to roost. I know why they crossed the road, but wonder if they can successfully make their way back to this side without getting flattened by the karmamobile. 😉

  • Seems to strike a universal chord. No one puts agent in the corner.

  • Like taking candy from the baby that took your candy.

  • Indeed, Chris. I imagine your market is equally poised for an REO quickening (there can be only one).

  • Turn your draft version loose when it’s ready, Phil. Interested in how this phenomenon has played out across various markets.

  • Paul Slaybaugh

    If I’m melding back into the real world from the land of REO, I’d try to impress sellers with my volume from the previous few years and hope they don’t press me on median sales price or geographic concentration. And try to refrain from thirsting on the blood of a live goat in the middle of the presentation.

  • I just punted and curated yours. 

  • Paul, Are you sure they can be rehabilitated?  The bad habits seem so ingrained after years of getting away with it!

  • Anonymous

    Oh my. I don’t know how soon that’s going to happen in my neck of the woods, Paul. What a man sows, that shall he also reap. Those agents have a lot of reaping to do…

  • Anonymous

    Whew , thinking you spoke for thousands … amen

  • Andrea Swiedler

    What worries me is that they are moving into my area…. we are always behind the trends you know… I think I saw a REO home down the street being readied for the REO agents moving in from Arizona…  I saw two goons… err moving men… sorry… carrying in boxes and boxes of old fax machines. The great part is, the house has been on the market forever… no sign of course… and it is on the “wrong” MLS… I think it will take the lender years to figure out that it is now occupied by 50 REO agents on a work release.. I mean.. work study program from AZ. By then they will have moved on anyway.

  • Tni LeBlanc

    This is already starting to happen in my market. 

    Guess them foreclosures are drying up.

    Can’t wait to tell one “No my seller doesn’t accept electronic signatures even though it is much more convenient and perfectly legal…”  or better yet:  “Thank you for your offer, in two to three weeks when you see the listing marked pending you’ll have your response.”

  • Sylvia Jonathan

    With REO listings getting far and in between, I swear these agents have either taken over or are training listing agents for the short sale business. Because that’s how 60% of short sale listing agents behave. Too much of the same to be a coincidence!

  • Debora Nichols

    Paul,  I love this.  It is so so true and this is happening NOW.  REO business is fading quickly.

  • Alan May

     much?

  • I’m actually happy to see the longer tenured REO agents reclaiming the realm as their own as the carpetbaggers migrate to the next big niche. I find the old pros who have been doing yeoman’s work in a treacherous arena to be the most professional of the lot. 

  • As much as I want to hate the game and not the player (REO agents often have to accept a much higher volume of listing inventory than they can handle lest they risk losing their accounts), I have enough hate left over to malign the enablers. 😉

  • My condolences, Andrea. I recommend stocking up on duct tape and bottled water to survive the impending apocalypse.

  • The electronic signature nonsense is infuriating. Not the fault of the agents that their bank clients won’t accept them, but nothing more fun than drafting contracts and the 50 pages of bank addenda for live signatures while the bank deems it appropriate to respond verbally to the effort. I hate them. I hate them so hard. 

  • I’ve actually noticed some REO agents’ names starting to appear on more and more short sale listings as of late. Will be interesting to watch that develop to see if it’s an anomaly or a trend. I’m guessing the latter. 

  • And not a moment too soon. While the market is improving, we won’t be out of the woods until the distressed sale portion of the market dips back into the signal digit percentages. 

About the author
Paul Slaybaugh is here to sell houses and chew bubble gum. He's all out of bubble gum. More About Me >>>

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